Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Pivotal Circumstances - testimony part 5

Well...this is the last part of this 5 part testimony. And to be honest, I am so glad to end on this particular part. As I ponder all of these 5 points, this is one that God has used maybe the most for me. I would venture out to say that most of us can put our finger on at least one PIVOTAL CIRCUMSTANCE where we were forced to look in God's direction. May it be a job loss, the death of someone, a miscarriage, an illness or some other event that caused us to turn toward God and grow because of it. Often PIVOTAL CIRCUMSTANCES are negative events that bring us to our knees in obedience to our Maker.

Again, I have more than one event that comes to mind, but I will share about one. I have touched on this before but I have to mention it again in light of my testimony. I am one of the many women that has struggled with infertility. There was a time in my life that more than anything, I longed to become a mom. And even though that was the desire of my heart and a prayer of mine, it wasn't a quick and easy answer. It was a season of my life that was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Longing for something, feeling like this was a calling on your life, and yet not being blessed in the area of children. I mentioned my prayer journal before, and at this time, it was full of crying out to God, longing for a positive answer and having to accept God's answer of not now. During this season of my life, I was learning to want God's will more than mine. Learning to trust in His perfect timing. Learning to lean on His strength and not my own. Learning to truly accept it, if the answer was no.

I look back on it and to be honest, it is still painful to think about. I am so thankful that God did allow us the blessing of children. And a blessing they truly are. God grew my faith in leaps and bound in those years. Such hard growing times, but I am so thankful that God allowed me to go through those hard times. I am a different person because of it, and hopefully a better mom to my children. God knew the right time for me to enter motherhood, and we are still trusting Him if it is His will to grow our family. So far, our 2 girls are our current blessings, but if the Lord wills we are looking to Him to bless again. It may not be in our time, or with our ideas, but I know that God knows what is best for us. Again, learning to trust, learning to wait, learning to want God's will more than my own.

Still hoping that some of you out there will share at least one point of your testimony, an area that God used to grow your faith. May it be PRACTICAL TEACHING, PROVIDENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS, PRIVATE DISCIPLINES, PERSONAL MINISTRY OR PIVOTAL CIRCUMSTANCES.


DebiH. said...

I have been encouraged by each of your posts and appreciate your sharing. I can certainly testify to growing spiritually through difficult circumstances.
God has such a way of drawing us near to him during pivotal circumstances. We just have to allow Him to do that. It is always easier to see in hindsight.

Smith Schoolhouse said...

Thanks again Cris. I will share but you may be sorry you asked because this is the short version and it is long.

God has definitely used all of these areas to grow my faith but none more than a particular pivotal circumstance in my life.

I too felt a strong calling to motherhood and even to give the control of our family size over to the Lord. Of course when you make a vow like that you don't always realize what an enormous test of faith you are submitting to.

Child one was an easy, go-with-the-flow child. Child two was extremely strong-willed and made me doubt my ability to parent, esp. since my biggest struggles with her were during my pregnancy with child 3. I really started to doubt my ability to commit to all the Lord had for me.

Then...child 3 was born and I wish i could say it was bliss. Quite the contrary! I was hit very hard with severe postpartum depression. Literally having to be kept alive by those who loved me. My maternal love was lost in the fog of mental illness. I went through the motions of mothering & nursed my baby because it was the only thing I knew I could do well, but the "feelings" were not there. I was afraid to be alone since I felt no connection to reality. Some people say to take one day at a time but I was literally having to take it one minute at a time, the days were SO long!

Motherhood was not looking pretty about now. Thanks be to God, He pulled me through. He convinced me that medication was OK and necessary for my survival and He was right. Within a couple months, I was back. Even surviving those months of recovery though, all I could do was cling to His Word and memorize it & copy it. The Word was my armor that fought off the lies of the enemy.

Anyway, a few years later I found out I was expecting number 4 and the depression hit like a brick wall in my first trimester. I went right back into survival mode with my nose in my Bible and clinging to every precious Word of God.

He came to my rescue again! Now we are expecting number 5. I cannot even express what a journey of faith this has been for me, and still continues to be.

BUT now I know without a doubt that the Lord is my strength and that He will carry me through any circumstance that He has called me to face, if I will jump into His everlasting arms and allow Him to be my Savior, my Rescuer, my Redeemer- in every circumstance. If I will trust Him.

Anonymous said...

I plan to do a post on my blog on this topic (pivotal circumstances). Here's a teaser: it will be on how I got the 9 inch scar on my knee and how the experience brought me closer to God.

crispy said...

Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable. It seems like God often meets us at our lowest and gently reminds us that He is faithful and true. Your honesty has blessed me Smith Schoolhouse. =)

Lee and Bev said...

So many experiences and circumstances which God, in His sovereignty, has allowed. An action packed, adventure seeking life partner, having babies out of the country, loosing babies in the womb, disagreements and shameful behavior of family members, moving out of country, back into country and across country, changing jobs and churches, travel and ministry around the world, writing books, selling and buying homes, countless goodbyes to precious children and grandchildren, final goodbyes to parents and dear friends, and now trusting God for his direction, leading and provision for this "Indian summer" of our lives.
I trust He has used these to make me more like His beloved son. But remember the button: PBP GINFWMY!
No - not a text abbreviation - "Please be patient. God is not finished with me yet!" Praise Him that He has counted us worthy.

Julie said...

When my husband almost died 16 months ago it was most definitely a pivotal circumstance in our family's spiritual growth. So much so that he is really glad that the whole thing happened. I had such a difficult time watching him go through all of it, that I have a hard time saying that, but Mike realy feels like the whole thing was a blessing.